Obama's reaction to the Fort Hood shootings

Transcript:

Uuughhhaa...please everybody, have a seat. Uh, l...let me, first of all, just thank Ken, uh, and the entire department of the interior staff for organizing, just an extraordinary conference; uh,I wanna thank my cabinet members and senior admin-administration officials who participated here today, uh, I hear that (smiling) Dr. Joe Medicine Crow was around, so I wanna give a shout out to that Congressional Medal of Honor winner (waving)--good to see you. (applause) Um. My understanding is that uh, you had uh, an extremely productive conference, uh, I wanna thank all of you for coming and for your efforts, uh, and I want to give you (clenches fist) my solemn guarantee that this is not the end of a process, but the beginning of a process (over applause) and that we are going to follow up.(pauses for applause) We, we are going to follow up; every single member of my team understands that this is a top priority for us. Uh, I want you to know that, as I said this morning, uh, this is not something that we just give lip service to, uh, and, we are gonna keep working with you, to make sure that the first Americans, uh, get the best possible chances in life, uh, in a way that's consistant with your extraordinary traditions and culture and values. Uh, I have to so though, that, beyond that, I plan to make some broader remarks, uh, about the challenges that lay ahead, uh, for Native Americans, as well as collaboration with our administaration, but, as some of you might have heard, there has been a tragic s-shooting at the Fort Hood army base, in Texas.

Translation:

Well, my teleprompter still has my speech on it... umm... well, might as well read it, let me first start out by giving a shout-out to my staff, they may be affection starved, so blah blah blah, you guy are awesome for standing behind my every hair-brained idealogies, and now, isn't it wonderful that someone who isn't white won the congressional medal of honor, Gee that makes me so happy. Thanks for showing up to this part of my worldwide american apology tour, you guys are the real americans, and we will say whatever you want to hear so that hopefully you will stop drinking yourself into a stupor and become good little democrats and just go along with whatever I want. I want to give lip service to the idea that we can throw enough money at you guys so that you will stop whining. maybe if I call your dancing and hollering and refusal to consider yourself part of the united states "extraordinary traditions" like your view that white people are pretty much aliens and that you were literally born of the earth and other fruity stuff like that. And I am going to spew a little more rhetoric later about how every american needs to recognize you as heroes based on your race alone, despite sucking off the government like "my community" does.
Oh, and there was this shooting, its so tragic that it wasn't a republican, but I am going to ignore the fact that we have hard-line islamists in our military and instead I am going to say things like "security" and "safety", but we all know that we can't really accomplish it, because I love islamists, I mean, my best friends in high school and in college went along with that stuff and they seem pretty much on-board with my other ideals, so I guess I will just hope that it won't happen again, I wonder if I can use this to take guns away from the right-wing nut-jobs out there that insist on protecting themselves, I mean, that's what comrade Obama is supposed to do, right?